What they don't tell you when you have kids...

I feel like there is a real shift happening in the world at the moment and the common stereotypes of what a woman's role is and what we "should" achieve in our lifetime is ever-evolving.

Unfortunately, my previous mindset was one of taking the common path - go to uni, get a good job, get a dog, a house, get married and have 2.4 kids.

Tick

And now here I am, nearly 20 years post high school and wondering what the heck have I done with my life. But I didn't always feel like this, I think it got illuminated post-children because suddenly you have these tiny humans that rely on you and you only want the best for them.

You want them to have all the things you never had (and in saying that, growing up I was an only child and had it pretty good - so I am very grateful for that) but that's not to say that I don't want even better for my kids.

Insert the pressure here...

Combined with this pressure to do better, there is also the feeling of having lost yourself in the sea of dirty nappies, sleepless nights and playdates. No longer am I known as Hayley, I am now Ashton or Ella's mum and tbh that really grates on me - I am my own person and want to be recognised as such.

I grew tired of the same old conversations with other mums about what milestones our kids were hitting, but it's all we had to talk about - there were no exciting work opportunities coming up, no exciting holidays planned or big purchases happening in the future - it all seemed to revolve around the kids.

So I felt sad that this is what life had come to. I get that it's just another chapter in our lives and that things will always be changing and evolving, but the fact that I felt like I was losing myself (which is something that I now know I am not alone in feeling) wasn't a feeling that I just wanted to sit with.

I wish I'd started reading up on all this mindset, self help guru stuff a long time ago because it really does help and I think it has a place in your life if you are that way inclined. Not that you will see me walking across hot coals at a Tony Robbins seminar (mainly due to the price - hah!) but I think these "coaches" help motivate people when they are at a point in their life where they need a bit of help.

Buuuuut I digress - basically what I found is that no existing mother had told me (pre kids) was the extreme feeling of losing yourself once you have your child. I really wish someone had mentioned it, so that I could think about it before the baby had arrived but I guess you don't know until you actually have said child, how you are going to feel.

Some women are born to be mothers. I am not one of them. I feel far more fulfilled having done a proper days work, made some money for the household and used my brain on adult tasks. I admire women that can be at the top of their profession or business game and still juggle children (Emma Isaacs - you legend!) and I guess that it's the wanting more for your kids that has now lead me to have started not one but two businesses.

Fun fact: prior to this I had a laser cutting business that I sold in 2019 - I also started that from scratch having never touched a laser engraver before!

So I guess I am on a "journey" (I bloody hate that word but can't think of a better one to use right now) to make sure that I don't just feel like "Ashton and Ella's mum" and that I am making a real difference to not only my own mental well-being, but to those around me that need a lift too.

If I can start by creating a beautiful bathmat that makes our space feel fun and stylish for ourselves and our little ones, then that is a great first step that I am excited to build on.

Tooshii was started all because I couldn't stand looking at those ugly cartoon bathmats any longer - what can't you stand any longer that you want to make a change in?